Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Go Ahead, TSA, Make My Day!

I think I’m probably the last blogger to post something about the TSA’s recent grope-athon and molestation madness directed at the victimized flying public. I haven’t flown in ten years and refused to fly post-911 if it meant submitting to the relatively mundane (as compared to now) “security enhancements.” Just a simple bag search and being treated as a criminal was, and still is, totally unacceptable to me. I’m just amazed it has taken others this long, and having to suffer this degree of madness, to finally speak out and take action.

While reading numerous accounts of security brutality a couple ideas on how to respond developed in my head. I began to think those ideas might be quite original until this gentlemen stole my thunder.

The initial response to any state sponsored foolishness is to use reason and common sense to convince the self-proclaimed powers-that-be that their actions and policies are unreasonable, ineffective, and even outright insane.  Failing that (which is often the case), the next plan of action should include directly demonstrating the ridiculousness of the activity. That is, illustrate absurdity by being absurd. You achieve this by making fun of the state’s actions through peaceful, equally absurd actions.

Mr. Wolanyk simply took the TSA’s search to the next, succeeding level- the strip search. Why bother with the cagey hand searches, feeling around your body’s perimeter, when simply dropping trou’ will expose any illegal, unacceptable irregularities? After all, that is the TSA’s aim, is it not- to expose and uncover any shielding of any dangerous component, not naturally a part of your body? Why waste the time and discomfort (for both parties) with hand searches or the millions of stolen dollars spent on naked body scanners? Take the quick, low tech, time saving, inexpensive approach and get nekid!

Mr. Wolanyk seems to retain a very competent lawyer, considering his past success in dealing with LEO lamebrains. Most certainly, counsel could successfully argue that his client merely wanted to cooperate and assist the TSA’s “mission” in the most expeditious and efficient way possible.

Another thought comes to mind is why should only male TSA agents inspect male passengers and female TSA agents inspect females? Isn’t this discrimination? Since I’ve chosen to “opt out” being irradiated by the dreaded porno scanner, do I also have the option of choosing what sex my molester will be? If not, why? What if I argued that I’m really a woman trapped inside a man’s body? Would they buy it? Would they legally be required to accept and accommodate my peculiarity? Just speaking for myself, a homely, middle aged bachelor, being caressed and probed by a female would be a much less traumatizing experience and might even be stimulating and memorable. Even having my “junk” “handled” by a typical, plain looking, unalluring, female, federal employee would be less upsetting than being probed by some blue gloved, hairy nosed, coffee reeking, Nancy Boy wannabe. Just the thought of such an experience makes me retch!

If disrobing is just too extreme a response, how about arriving to the search line wearing no underwear? This should bring some interesting feedback and facial expressions from your assigned molester. You can add to their discomfort by emitting soft, agreeable cooing sounds during the course of the molestation. That might just be enough to cause the depraved, tax eating hack to immediately resign his phony job in understandable disgust. Quite possibly, his threshold of shame and repugnance will have been exceeded.

There are always ways to sidestep tyranny and humiliate your oppressors. All it takes is a bit of courage, a dose of creativity, and just a pinch of psychological knowledge. In the end, you may help free yourself and others from state sponsored cruelty and injustice. You may even help state terrorists realize the error of their ways. And you may even have some fun along the way. I realize the probable serious consequences that may result from such fun, but what the heck. Why not have a good laugh before they slam the gate at your gulag.


Don Emmerich said...

Excellent post and extremely funny!!

And by the way, nice use of UrbanDictionary.com!

Enlightened Rogue said...

Thanks. I always refer to the Urban Dictionary when a slang term comes to mind. I want to make sure the term is spelled correctly, used correctly in context, and make sure the word even exists. There are times I've written a word and upon checking, find out it doesn't officially exist! I wonder where that came from? Sarah Palin?