Monday, March 8, 2010

The Census Comes A' Callin’

Today I received a notice from our great protectors at the US Federal Government, warning me that I will soon receive the 2010 US Census form. How wonderful, I thought. These hard working folks in DC must stay so busy managing multiple and growing numbers of wars to feed an ever growing American Empire. They must already be exhausted trying to figure out how to pay back their trillions in ever growing debt. Yet, they still have the time to extend such a useful, timely message to lil’ ol’ me.

The message informed me of the importance of this census form and that I should entirely fill out the form and return it immediately. A number of options come to mind on how I should respond to such an arrogant “request” and I would like to ask any interested readers to respond with your choice of action from the following list:

1) Fill out the form in its entirety and quickly return it like a good, solid, obedient citizen.

2) Only answer those questions deemed appropriate, as authorized by the US Constitution which outlines the purpose of the census.

3) Ignore the form and tear it up and throw it in the trash.

4) Give my creativity a workout and answer all questions with the goofiest, most outrageous answers I can think of.

5) Take a large black Sharpie and etch profane and subversive, anti-state messages and slogans on every square inch available on the census form.

6) Shred the form and return the resulting confetti to the US Census Bureau.

So, pick one. And unlike a government election, your vote counts!


Minnesota Chris said...

I plan to go with option 3 and let the chips fall where they may. If my wife gets ahold of it first, though, she may go with option 2.

Greg said...

Oklahoma must be in the same mail zone as Texas. I received the same notice, but I didn't even bother with it 2 seconds before I saw "US CENSUS" and threw it in the trash. You saved me from a potential paper cut. What value we get from these fools, mailing us a notice that they are going to send more mail soon! I recommend throwing these forms directly in the trash without even opening them (especially since it is made out to "RESIDENT"). You'll find the "thud" sound the envelopes make as they hit the waste basket highly satisfying.

Enlightened Rogue said...

Maybe the warning mailing is a direct subsidy to the bankrupt US Postal Service. What a great way to hide a bailout.

I enjoy opening and reading such junk mail. It’s great inspiration for blog post, anti-state rants, and a constant reassurance that yes, the state IS your enemy.